All I want for Christmas is... more songs like this
It was in the Christmas season of 2002 when I first heard the Christmas songs of NSYNC ("Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays") and of Wham! (a dance remix version of "Last Christmas"). A few years later, Mariah Carey's seasonal song would reach my ears and Philippine TV stations would release their annual Christmas theme songs.
They are all good. They are something I look forward to every holiday season because I want good music to brighten up my mood for the holidays. At least they help me forget all the pain and woes that I suffer throughout the other days of the year. I want to enjoy and rejoice even for just one season.
However, I am not immune from memories of sadness and regrets even in this season of joy. When I listen to this song, a memory crept into my mind.
Christmas wasted on unrequited love
When I was still a college student, I failed in the romance department for three consecutive years. That covered three Christmas season as well. You can say that I was a hopeless romantic in the season of joy. Of course, I get to enjoy the holidays with my family and friends. I received gifts, we had our noche buena, etc. But having a girlfriend that time could be an added bonus for me. Do you get what I am saying?
For three years, I courted this classmate of mine. I cannot recall how I developed feelings for her. We weren't even close. We don't even have the same company of friends aside from our classmates. Our attitudes and powers were different. We loved music and movies, though, but we have different tastes. We did share the same favorite superhero character, though.
It didn't help my case that I was preoccupied with other stuff (like watching YouTube and reading newspapers and Wikipedia entries). Seriously, I was timid. I was even careless or foolish with my romantic advances, which embarrassed her so much in front of classmates and schoolmates. For her, I was a funny case or more of an annoyance. I guess I was immature but persistent. I was in love but I didn't know how to properly deal with a girl.
I did let my intentions and feelings known to her. I text messaged her. I passed her notes. I wrote her letters, even sent her a birthday card. It wasn't enough and it was all in vain.
My pursuit for her love covered three Christmas seasons. It was a fruitless pursuit. All I wanted for Christmas was her and what I got was unrequited love.
It was too bad a beautiful Christmas song especially coming from a diva like Mariah Carey would invoke a sad memory and a regretful past. If only I could turn back time...
 |
| "All I Want for Christmas is You" single cover (Image from http://www.ultratop.be/) |
What I want now this Christmas
I believe I had handled my romanceless holiday seasons very well because I am still breathing. I wouldn't be writing this post if I had not. I wouldn't have graduated on time if I allowed my sadness to get the better of me.
Though I am happy enough that I had survived college without a girlfriend, I always feel that something is lacking in my teenage years or college life. But I am certain of one fact: I can celebrate Christmas even without a sweetheart.
But to celebrate the holiday season alone? That, my friend, is another story. Would you celebrate Halloween alone?
I now have different "wants" since I gave up pursuing ex-classmate. As not to sourgrape, these are far better things than the one I wanted many years ago:
- Good health (physical and mental)
- Maturity and spiritual growth
- Strong will and determination
- Fortitude and patience
- Career growth
- A wallet and a bank account full of bucks
 |
| This Christmas I want... Mariah Carey (GIF from www.harpersbazaar.com) |
Many years ago, I also want Mariah Carey in my life. If it is not too much, I want to go back in time and live in her life.
Anyways, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you in advance!
